Best Companies

Best Companies: The quiz

February 8, 2012: 5:00 AM ET

Does your employer belong in the pantheon? Could it be that the answer depends on where you stand?

By Stanley Bing

FORTUNE -- We've done our best to identify corporations that are a pleasure to work for. But we couldn't possibly list them all. Maybe your company, too, is a party on a half shell! Take this quiz and find out.

When I go to work in the morning, I ...

A. Smile a little secret smile to myself.
B. Do a crossword puzzle on the train.
C. Have a sphincter the size of a pinhead.

The clothing I am expected to wear to work ...

A. Is a badge of honor. I wear it to sleep.
B. Is a uniform. All institutions have them. Get over it.
C. Makes me feel like a trained monkey.

My boss ...

A. Is a titan of Excellence. God bless her.
B. Is a smart guy and can hold a drink.
C. Would club a baby harp seal.

Which would you rather have: free beverages or a pension?

A. Did you know that we get an entire kitchen full of free food and drinks? I don't even leave the building for lunch! I just work straight through! What a perk!
B. I miss my old pension plan, which was taken away in 2006, but I understand why the company did it.
C. I can buy my own Gatorade, thanks.

My understanding of the overall strategic goals of the corporation ...

A. Is fleshed out for me at regular meetings with my boss, who is fully briefed by his boss, and so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby.
B. It's above my pay grade.
C. Beyond making money, you mean?

The length of my average workday ...

A. Is basically whatever I think it should be, as long as I get the job done. Some days I even work from home. In my bathrobe!
B. Nine and a half hours. In at 8:30. Out at 6. For the past 15 years.
C. Expands to fill all available space, blocking out the sun, until I exist in a formless, shapeless void filled with nothing but that which must be done.

Do you feel secure about your employment status?

A. I don't really think about it too much. I know that if anything bad were to happen, the corporation would take care of me.
B. Sure. Now and then. But in a way, getting fired would be a form of liberation I wouldn't mind exploring.
C. Night and day. My entire persona is bound up with this screwy job. I don't even know who I am without it.

My combination of benefits and perks ...

A. Is obscene!
B. Is standard for somebody at my position in a company of this size.
C. @$#% off.

Scoring: For each (a) answer, give your corporation one point. You are obviously an executive of some kind, and your answers have absolutely no bearing on the quality of life for average people in your corporation. For each (b) answer, give your corporation two points. The Organization has you trained. Whatever it's doing, you are contributing to it. Finally, for every time you chose (c), give your company five points. Your life has been ground down to a nub, but you still identify with the entity that is your bane and your beacon. The enterprise must succeed with crazy people like you indentured to it. Keep up the good work.

This article is from the February 6, 2012 issue of Fortune.

  • To keep employees loyal, try asking what they want

    Aflac CEO Dan Amos' strategy for preventing costly turnover: He surveys his employees -- 70% of whom are women -- often. Then he acts on what they say.

    By Anne Fisher, contributor

    Dan Amos, chairman and chief executive of insurance giant Aflac (AFL - Best Companies rank: #57), spends a lot of time thinking about what women want.

    "It's not lost on us that, with male-dominated industries like manufacturing and construction battered MORE

    Jan 27, 2011 10:31 AM ET
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