Stanley Bing

All I want for Christmas

I don't ask for much. A stable euro. An economic recovery. A new Congress. And a Vitamix.

FORTUNE -- Dear Santa

Hi again. It's me, Stan. How is Mrs. Claus? And the elves? Still on leave from Wharton? How about the North Pole? I hear it's melting. That can't be good. Anyhow, enough about you. This is about me, and all the good things I want to find under my tree this MORE

Europe, go home!

Whatever you've got, it's obviously contagious. So until you're feeling better, hasta la vista, baby!

FORTUNE -- So I came into work this morning, and before I even had a chance to butter my muffin, I watched our stock take a nosedive. And we weren't alone. The whole market was bleeding. "Drat," I said, although that was not the word I used. I called Tupper, our IR guy. "What's up?" I MORE

The peasants are revolting!

What plutocrats can do to take Wall Street back from the occupiers

FORTUNE  -- Order! Order! All right then. This meeting of the Ultra-Secret Super Committee to Defeat the Wall Street Occupation is now in session. And let me just say how nice it feels to be back together after the hiatus of the past several years. Let's not let our agendas lapse that way ever again, gentlemen. It's too much MORE

The BlackBerry's preserve

If you want to play Angry Birds, get an iPhone. But if you need to do business, stand by your old friend.

FORTUNE --When I was 12, my family moved from Chicago to the suburbs of New York City. The first day at my new school, I slipped on my customary outfit -- clean white T-shirt, Levi's, and desert boots -- hopped on my bike, got there on time. Nobody was MORE

Thanks, Steve

We've all been lucky to live in a world where there was a person with such an imagination.

I want to take this opportunuity, before time and our common mortality rob me of the chance to do so, to thank you, Steve Jobs, for all that you have done for me. No, I never had the privilege of meeting you, or had a chance to get yelled at by you in MORE

Attack of the killer chicken

The business fundamentals are actually pretty healthy. So why is the sky falling?

Things were going until last week. Or maybe it was the week before. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters now. All that value destroyed. And it was so unnecessary. Revenues were up. People had a shaky belief that the economy was doing okay. The market was reaching for 12,000. Our stock was growing plump in the sun. But none MORE

The business police blotter: Summer edition

It's been a busy season for the brave men and women who keep a lid on funny business.

Police blotter, July 28 (Suspicious Circumstances)

Business police received report from angry resident that his neighbor, an investment banker, had been awarded a huge bonus from a company whose advice had cost the complainant tens of thousands of dollars. Officers were dispatched to the investment bank's location and discussed matter with executives there. Undisclosed MORE

Could you be a Weiner?

Take our quiz to find out if you might be at risk of public humiliation.

As we wait for the next idiot in politics, business, or sports to, in a word, expose himself, let us pause to consider this increasingly familiar cultural rite. When our public figures put their smutty little sex lives inadvertently on display, we -- the collective mob -- exclaim, then chuckle, then explode with outrage. But who MORE

Attack of the cloud people

A cloud is a plume of vapor. Is that really where I want to keep my personal digital treasures?

It being a slow summer workday, I may have been asleep. But there they were, suddenly, three celestial beings hovering over my shoulder, each having descended from one of two rather imposing clouds.

"Go away," I said. "I'm archiving to my local storage solution." They all shook their heads with condescension.

"Behold the Microsoft MORE

Put me on the bench, coach!

Just when I was getting ready to enjoy my retirement, a goon with a clipboard showed up.

I was about two full days into my dream retirement when Hobbes showed up. It was, like, 7:15 in the morning, and I was just rolling over for my second tranche of shuteye when the doorbell rang and there was some pounding with the knocker and so I got up to see who the MORE