10 things I can't do when my internet is out

August 11, 2009: 10:00 AM ET

dustinhoffman1. Watch a cat dancing with a hamster.

2. Find that recipe for whole wheat pancakes that doesn't taste like shirt cardboard.

3. Check how many times Elizabeth Taylor has been married.

4. Peruse the contents of the memo to all staff that Armbruster sent as an attachment to a cover note, because the zoom feature on my new BlackBerry doesn't really zoom, it sort of peers into things at a very great distance.

5. Download the director's cut of Watchmen.  

6. Purchase the Camden 69" sofa from Crate and Barrel for Tuesday delivery.

7. Play Warhammer online.

8. Cruise for fascinating and informative updates on CNNMONEY.com or lesser financial websites.

9.  Investigate unsourced quasi-news on a variety of highly opinionated aggregators.

10. Publish and reply to my comments to this blog.  

Sorry. I was moving from one apartment to another yesterday and the cable guy didn't show up. I don't really care about the TV part, or the phone, either. But to live without internet is like being on Devil's Island in the 19th Century, the only difference being that the bugs you have to eat are in your shareware, not your underwear.

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